Release Me

So I work for the Computer Help Desk...yes I am one of the 20 leprechauns that makes sure the interwebs work for about 25000 individuals at Rutgers NB/P
A co-worker wrote the following:
Things to consider when calling Tech Support...
Date: 2007-04-27, 11:38PM EDT


Hi! I'm your Technical Support Rep. I have a considerable amount of control over one or more important aspects of your daily life: television, telephone, and internet. Sometimes one, sometimes all three. Before we interact, I'd like to share some thoughts with you:

* I am here, simply put, to fix your shit. My job is not complete until said shit is fixed. Please just help me fix this shit.

* With that out of the way, know that I hate you exactly as much as you hate me. No more, no less. If you are at least relatively pleasant, I'm happy to help you- even to make small talk as I attend to the issue at hand. Conversely, if you are a total and complete jackass, I will make this the worst 10 minutes of your week.

* Neither I, nor any of my coworkers, are out to fuck you. We are not idiots. We are college graduates in technical disciplines, the vast majority of whom are here to work their way up the IT ladder to more fulfilling positions. Sometimes we have off days, sure, but we know EXACTLY what we are doing. Note that this does not apply to anyone outside of our department. They are, in all reality, idiots who are out to fuck you.

* So you've already unplugged the "internet box" and plugged it back in? Brace yourself, you're going to do it again. Most of the time I do this for a reason...unless you're a dick. Then I do it to see how mad it makes you.

* Don't lie to me- I can tell you have a router. It isn't illegal.

* To those who think they are "computer illiterate": The vast majority of the time, you are lovely customers: Patient, willing to learn, and most importantly, willing to listen. Thank you!

* To those who think they are CompSci PHD's: The vast majority of the time, you are retarded: If you already cycled your equipment and it didn't work, why did it work when I made you do it again? If you are so well educated, stay the hell out of the queue so that people who need help can get it.

* Supervisors don't have a magic wand that they can wave to make everything better. They are governed by the same protocol and use the same utilities as I do. In fact, supervisors are more likely to tell you to fuck off- believe it or not, they have other pressing issues to attend to. If a node goes down, they WILL put those 200 subscribers before you in Priorityland.

* Threatening to cancel does not intimidate us. We have an entire department that is paid to care about that, which means that I don't have to. Harsh? Sure, but I have more than enough work to do fixing shit, yelling at field techs, following up on cases, and explaining the concept of email to your grandmother that it won't cause me to lose any sleep.

* It worked fine yesterday? Oh, then I must be wrong. Let me reconsider the 40 minutes I spent troubleshooting your Win98 box. Check it out: Shit breaks (see point 1); If shit did not break, I would be mowing your lawn instead of sitting in this office.

* Speakerphone? Turn it the fuck off.

* Don't call back and have another rep troubleshoot the same problem. He will read the notes I left about how you spilled coke into your cable box. Even if he didn't, he would come to the same conclusion, and more people with undiagnosed problems would be stuck listening to that god-awful hold music.

* I am not blowing smoke when I say that I understand how frustrating it is to wait on hold, get transferred, and deal with bad agents. I too have called Dell's tech support line. The difference is that I actually DO care about your problem, so please just calm down before I kill your family.

* My company has over 20 million subscribers. I handle a region of about 2 million. To this day, none of them have ever called in to say "I just wanted you to know that my shit is working correctly." Maybe someday?



So what can I help you with today?


Yeah finals are going swell. My mom is mad at me for not speaking to her today when I called her sister to say happy mother's day...she's being greedy I told her the exact same thing in March...Happy Mother's day mom 2x gaaaaah

I need to study for physical Chemistry

Love is the Movement

It's been a while...what's happened since March?
1. Love unreturned
2. Formal...scorned love
3. Love found
4. Finals...love kept

1. I have a hard time showing emotions..its taking a toll on me, no one ever knows when I am besotted and my affections are unrequited... :(
2. Formal...allow me to introduce la belle du jour - yours sincerely. Just as the one I want seems to elude my attentions, I seem to gain the attention of some others - nothing wrong with them just too much baggage and baggage is definitely not my cup of tea
3. I <3 Reema we have grown so class and I am glad we pledged together. I found God again I know even if SIT cant return my affections, there is one love that encompasses the world and I have that love for no absolute reason other than grace - God's love is abundant in my life and I hope others can see it and try to get it too...Thanks Switchfoot for helping me recommit myself
...Heavenly father, you always amaze me :)

4. Its time for finals, I'm at rest and trusting in God that I will make him, my parents and myself proud :)

My mind is dull and faded
From these years of buy and sell
My eyes have seen the glory
Of this hollow modern shell
And sex is a grand production
But I'm bored with that as well
Ah, Lord save me from myself
Electric sun keep shining
Ripen daughters of the chrome
This world is where I breathe
Let it never be called home
Where the vultures make the money
Is where our bodies fell
Ah, Lord save me from myself - Jon Foreman

Bless you